Aug 9th: When You Feel You Are Not Enough, with Rev. Dr. Steven Koski.
You’re invited to join us this Sunday, online or in person, and simply come as you are.
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When You Feel You Are Not Enough with Rev. Dr. Steven Koski. Series: Standalone Services A Spacious Christianity, First Presbyterian Church of Bend, Oregon.
Ever feel weighed down by guilt, shame, or the sense that you’ll never be “good enough”? This week we’re exploring a different picture of God, one who doesn’t keep score but keeps the door open. It’s about discovering that you already belong, and letting that kind of love change how you see yourself and others in a hurting, divided world.
You’re invited to join us this Sunday, online or in person, and simply come as you are.
Transcript:
Steven: I was summoned to the principal’s office in in fifth grade for bullying another student. You know, I was kind of a people pleaser, and rather than stand up for what I knew was wrong, stand up for the one being bullied. I went along with the crowd and participated in teasing this student. On my way to the principal’s office, my my shoulders were slumped, wearing this this heavy, heavy coat of guilt and shame. You know, I saw the principle as the great enforcer, who was to be feared, and who was about to cast me into the pit of eternal disapproval. I was shocked to experience a very different principle than the one I expected. The picture I had in my mind. He said to me, “I remember it so vividly. He said, “Stephen, you’re so much better than this behavior. This behavior does not does not reflect who you really are. This is not your best self. Don’t listen to peer pressure. Listen to that voice inside. That will always call you to something better. Wow! I mean, I was shocked. I feared the principal, and I thought-I really thought-I was going to be sentenced to perpetual guilt and shame. It turned out I was being summoned to a larger and more loving life, reflecting who I really am. If your theology, if your theology sentences you to guilt and shame, and if your theology doesn’t summon you to a larger and more loving life reflective of who you really are, it’s time to change your theology. If your image of God shrinks your spirit, binds you in fear, it’s time for a new image of God. What is your image of God? You know we don’t often think about this, but I’d like you to think about that, because the image or the notion of God we hold profoundly influences whether we know it or not. Influences how we see ourselves and how we relate to others in the world. You know, when people tell me, and they tell me this a lot, they just tell me, you know, I don’t believe in God. I always say, “Tell me about the God you don’t believe in, because the chances are I don’t believe in that God either. I profoundly believe the purpose of Jesus’s life was not to change an angry and judgmental God’s mind about us sinful and unworthy humans. I profoundly believe the purpose of Jesus’ life was to change our mind about God, to change the image we hold of God, to introduce to us a God of spacious, radical, unconditional love. Knowing this would then change how we understand ourselves and how we love others. Jesus said, “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate. So he divided his property between them. Not long after that, the son, the younger son, set off for a distant country, and there he he squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in the whole country, and he began to be in need, so he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields. A Jewish man here sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses, he said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here, here I am starving to death. I will go back.” My father and say to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants. So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran to his son. He threw his arms around him, kissed him, and said, “Welcome home. The son said, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, “Quick, quick, quick! Bring the best robe, put it on him. Put a ring on his finger. Sandals on his feet. Bring the fatted calf.
Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For the son of mine was dead and is alive again. He was lost, and is found. So they began to celebrate. Meanwhile, the older brother, the older brother, was in the field. When he came near the house, he he heard music and and dancing. He called one of the servants and asked, “What’s going on? “Your brother has come home, the servant replied, “and your father has killed the fatted calf because he has him back safe and sound. The older brother became angry, refused to go in. His father went out and pleaded with him, but he answered his father, “Look, look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you, and never, never disobeyed your orders, yet you never gave me even a young goat, so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours, who has squandered your property with prostitutes, comes home, you kill the fatted calf for him, my son. The father said, “My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate and be glad because this brother of yours was dead and is alive. He was lost and is found. Okay. So there’s a father with two sons. The younger son says, “Give me my share of the estate now. Now, in the patriarchal first century, where respect for elders, especially the father, was was everything, this son could not have said anything more offensive to those who are listening to Jesus. The younger son wandered away, squandered it all, and eventually realizes that even his father’s servants have it better than he does. So he decides to return home. You know, I can imagine his younger son. I can imagine him rehearsing his apology along the way, hoping to at least, at least be treated as one of his father’s servants. Notice, he has no expectations of restoration. If I could just be one of the servants, and the father sees him in the distance, because from sunrise to sunset he has never stopped waiting, never stopped looking, never stopped hoping for the day when his son would return home. And putting all dignity aside, and like a fool hiking up his robe, his father just races down the road to greet his son, and before his son could even open his mouth to apologize, the apology he had been rehearsing, asking for forgiveness, the father throws his arms around him and says, “Welcome home. The father doesn’t say, like I probably say. I told you so. Prove to me you’re sorry. Tell me why I should forgive you. Assure me that you’ve changed and that you’re worthy of my forgiveness. That you’ve learned your lessons and you’ll never leave again. Note: There is nothing in the father’s response that leads to guilt or shame. The son actually tries to tell his father that that he’s not worthy. I am not worthy to be your son, but the. Father isn’t even listening, calling for the best robe, the rings, sandals-all signs of the son’s worth and belonging. Saying, “Let’s celebrate! My son, who is lost, is now found. Now the older brother is less than pleased, and says, “I love this. I can, I can hear, I can hear the resentment. That son of yours, not my brother, but with disgust, that son of yours has squandered all your money, and you give him a feast. He’s not deserving of your love, and here I am. The older son stays home and assumes his good deeds. His good deeds should should earn his father’s favor. Favor, but he never experiences the joy of his father’s love. Both sons, like so many of us, both sons hold an image of their father as judging, keeping score, keeping track, and you either have points deducted, or you have points added. Both sons assume the father’s love is determined and dependent by their actions, good or bad, And Jesus, Jesus turns this idea completely upside down. The father runs to greet his younger son, and before he even opens his mouth to apologize, embraces and kisses him, essentially saying to him, “Welcome home. But know that in my heart, you never left. You you are always have always been, will always be home in my love. You can never be separated from my love.
Now to the older son, who said to his father, “You never gave me a party. The father says, “You are always with me, and I am always with you. Everything I have is yours, and by the way, if you’re ever interested in centering prayer, that’s probably the definition of centering prayer right there, is understanding that sentence. That just may be my favorite verse in the entire Bible, the one verse that changes absolutely everything. You are always with me. I am always with you. Everything I have is yours. At the heart of this story is the unbelievable good news that that both sons already belong in God’s love. What they are both desperately searching for is already theirs. A transactional faith, holding the image of a God of conditional love says, you know, if you just do this, then God will love you, accept you, save you. So much of our love for one another is transactional. There are rules to follow, expectations to fulfill, criteria to be met, in order to be acceptable. Imagine if we didn’t stop to judge or ask if someone was worthy or deserving of our love. Imagine if we knock down all those barriers that keep people away from the hospitality of God’s welcome, the barriers that keep people from knowing themselves as God’s beloved. Imagine if we just loved, loved with the spacious and radical love of Jesus, the kind of love that might lead people to complain, who we invite to our tables. If we love like that, we might have just found a theology. Worth keeping. When we know ourselves already to be at home in God’s love, we can then become the welcome mat of healing and grace so many in this world need and are longing for. May it be so.
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