Oct 12th: Spacious Community: Listening, with Rev. Sharon Edwards.
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Rev. Sharon Edwards
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Spacious Community: Listening with Rev. Sharon Edwards. Series: Spacious Christianity, Spacious Hearts A Spacious Christianity, First Presbyterian Church of Bend, Oregon. Scripture: James 1:9.
Feeling overwhelmed by life’s noise? Join us this Sunday as Sharon shares a powerful message about the art of listening – how being present can transform relationships and maybe even change the world. We’d love to have you, online or in-person.
Transcript:
I remember it like it was yesterday. I can see it in my mind’s eye, and I can still feel it in my body. I was working part time, but I was a full time mom, Wife, Daughter, human, oh, and a dog and cat mom too. I was running around the house, noticing all the dust, scrambling to gather up all the laundry, trying to remember the phone calls I needed to make, and all of a sudden, a very small but somehow loud voice proclaimed, sit, mommy, sit. I looked over, and there on the couch was my probably three, maybe four year old daughter. Sit, mommy, sit, she repeated. I looked at her. I felt the weight of the laundry basket in my arms, the house in great disarray, so many things so undone, and I looked at her again, sit, Mommy. Sit. She patted the empty space next to her on the couch. By some stroke of a miracle or some space of grace, I dropped the basket and I sat. I admit it took a bit of strength to let go of all that I had looked but I had seen her tiny legs and her hands, her bright eyes, and she began to speak about all sorts of things. I admit it took a moment to quiet my mind, but I found myself breathing her in. She talked. I actually don’t remember what she talked about or what I heard, but I remember it as a profound space, a sacred place, because she was in it, and so was I, my daughter, Hannah, and I in our congregation, we are exploring what it looks like to be community, a spacious community that reflects The Heart of Jesus. And this week, we are considering the task, the joy, the challenge of listening. That story about my daughter and I was the first thought that came to my mind when I think about listening, but the biblical story that came to my mind was that of Eli and Samuel. Most of the time when reading this passage, we focus on Samuel, hearing God. But today I’m drawn to Eli’s listening, which at first is rather lacking. Samuel was the son of Hannah, not my Hannah, the biblical Hannah. Hannah gave Samuel to the temple after longing for a child and being given one a young boy, Samuel hears someone calling him in the middle of the night, assuming it was his mentor, Eli. He goes into Eli’s room. Here I am for you called me, but Eli tells him to go back to bed, for he had not called him. This happens again a second time and again. Eli sends him back. Hmm, isn’t that interesting? Come on, Eli, something must be up. But when Samuel comes in a third time, perhaps Eli had not fallen back to sleep, but had tossed and turned and maybe started to wonder. Perhaps when Samuel came in that third time, Eli noticed the earnest face, the devoted eyes, the eager energy, and maybe Eli decided to be awake, not an easy task in the middle of the night, to be fully present, to actually hear Samuel and to be open to the possibilities. Ah, is God in the midst of this, maybe Eli did some listening to God as well, because Eli finally is able to listen to Samuel. And because of that, Samuel was able to hear God speak in the middle of the night that God, it has been noted that we were given two ears and only one mouth, but many of us do not always notice that ratio, and tend to use our mouths more. More than our ears. We can see on a larger scale, the results of being unwilling and unable to listen between groups that differ between electorate officials and nations. But let’s bring it back home. How might we better? How might better listening improve our own lives, relationships, and therefore our communities? The last couple of years, I lived and worked in the Iona community on the Isle of Scotland. In Iona, on this small island, we lived with the people we worked with. We lived in community. Now such an arrangement requires some rules, or a better word may be intention. We created a framework called our ways of working, the ways we try to live with one another. There are three of them I want to share, as they are rather helpful. The first one I love. This one respectful air space. We monitor how much or how little we speak while we start with an awareness about ourselves, it is also helpful to notice how much or how little others are speaking, and make sure there is enough room for all to speak equally, if they desire. Now, some of us who tend to speak rather than remain silent. Could benefit from our being aware of our air space. Did you know that the word listen contains the same letters as silence? Another way of working involves listening is respectful talking, we allow one voice to be heard at a time, and this includes stilling the voice in my own head, making a grocery list, worrying about the next thing squirrel is not really listening as one with a monkey mind, I find I often need to take a couple of deep breaths to quiet those voices in my head so I can really hear another. And finally, respectful listening. We listen in order to understand, with the intention of being influenced, not necessarily to agree. When most of us listen, we listen with an intent to reply. How can I contribute to the conversation or resource or help the person in front of me, or even problem solve them. This way of working actually asks us to really see the person speaking and to seek understanding. But even more, it invites us to actually consider that by listening, we may actually be changed a bit. Krista trippitt is a writer who has spent decades interviewing scientists, artists, world leaders and more about the intersection of their work and their spiritual life. She hosts the on being podcast. She believes that to renew civil discourse and bring about social healing, we need to learn how to have better conversations, which include what she calls generous listening. She says this, listening is an everyday art and virtue, but it’s an art we have lost and must learn anew. Listening is more than being quiet while others have their say. It is about presence as much as receiving. It is about connection more than observing. Real listening is powered by curiosity. It involves vulnerability, a willingness to be surprised, to let go of assumptions and take in ambiguity. It is never in gotcha mode.
The generous listener wants to understand the humanity behind the words of the other and patiently sum. One’s own best self and one’s own most generous words and questions. There’s a lot to explore in that statement, but one of the sentences that stand out for me is it is about presence as much as receiving. Let’s get back to the Hannah’s. My Hannah, at the age of four, probably was less concerned with my skilled listening than with my ability to sit and be fully present. And then Hannah’s Samuel, because Eli may have had an awareness of the presence of God in the situation, he was able to hear Samuel and encourage him to respond to God. I’m wondering, what if we were to consider every conversation has holy space where God is present even in the hard conversations. What if, like Samuel, God is always calling to us to be here, here, I am ready to see you and hear you in the in between, in and amongst myself and others. How might that kind of being shape a better world? How about we start practicing this way of being with those we know and even those we strive to love? Thich na Khan, a global spiritual teacher, has said this, the most precious gift we offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness, being fully in the present, embraces those we love, they blossom like flowers. Every Thursday, members of our congregation bring a meal to a place where medically challenged folks live. The residents have the ability to cook simply for themselves, so the food really isn’t the purpose as helpful as it is, the purpose is simply to connect, to listen and by our presence, communicate, they are valued and loved, and that gift goes both ways. Let us work together to change the world with one generous, loving listening present conversation at a time we need it, and so does the world. Let us pray. As the year turns again, O God, as darkness lengthens as nature shifts to letting go and surrendering to death and dormancy, hold us, warm us with wonder and strengthen us in courage. Soften the hearts of those who hold lives in their hands. Stir in leaders the desire to listen and see value in those they seek to dismiss and help us to listen to you and give us generous listening open hearts and may your love and peace fill our lives and your world and together we say amen.
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